My Biggest Struggle

I've struggled with weight issues my whole life, everyone has their stuggles and this happens to be one of mine.   I don't know why it is besides my gastroparesis but I'm planning to take charge of it [again].   I've said this dozens of times before that I would get everything under control and lose weight. And for awhile I do but it never stays that way I always fall back into old habits. 

The last time I lost a lot of weight it was primarily due to anxiety I was experiencing and being sick.  I totally depleted my appitite and I just wouldn't feel hungry. I know that's not the way to lose weight but it showed me that my body is capable of losing it and that I'm capable of losing it.  My body felt and functioned so much better when it did.  I may not be in the condition to lose now but my goal is to lose weight and this time I'm not letting myself fall back into the habit of being lazy.

For 5 years  my weight had gone up and down so much I don't even remember what its like to feel 100% fit and healthy.  Next year is 2015 and I want to be 40pounds lighter than I am now by only will it help me be a better mother but I won't feel like I'm being dragged down all the time.  I'm tired of feeling tired of the way I look the way I feel I'm tired of all of it.

Last weekend I sat down and wrote up a plan Come February when my fitness restrictions are lifted I'm changing my diet, my eating habits and working out 3days a week I've came up with this plan and I think its totally do able.  I won't have to cut out everything I love but I don't have to chow down on It either.  I've already started cutting out foods and so far its going great I haven't had a pop in 3weeks.  And I eat a lot less sweets than before this week I've had a handful of m&ms, some ice cream and a slice of pizza not all in the same day but compared to how often I used to eat that junk its a major turn around.

They say the older you get the harder it is to lose weight and keep it off.  I'm determined to get back to my goal weight I'd love to be the weight, I was in school. But I know how unrealistic that is and I'm ok with it.  I'm just tired of feeling tired all the time like I have no energy.   Laziness will no longer be my excuse I won't say its to hot or to cold to go for a walk I won't say I'm too tired or I ate to much. I'm done telling myself ill just start Tommorrow and Tommorrow never comes.  I WILL lose 40pounds in 6 months.  I believe not only will I feel more empowered and better about myself but my endo will hate me alittle less too.

I decided to post this here even though I can't start for awhile to help with my accountability my family knows my friends know, this is no secret.  I want to succeed and I need help.